Living Life and Loving it

Well, the last couple weeks have been a whirlwind of complete and total awesomeness.  There is no other way to describe it.  From my original post on Fetlife, I’ve had so many guys contact me.  A couple have been really interesting to talk to. In particular, this amazing guy has been answering all and any of my questions about BDSM, and has been utterly patient and kind to me.  I ask a lot of questions, I’m worse than a 5-year-old asking “Why? Why? Why?”, so this is saying a lot.  My curiousity has been piqued, and when I asked him how a dom/sub relationship would fit into a polyamorous dating model, he couldn’t answer.  Instead, he asked the most amazing question: “How would the others you are dating feel about you being in a Dom/Sub relationship?”  That is when I realized that I really needed to talk to hubby about all this, and now I’m just having to make time for that.

So, when I started this blog, I decided to call the guy from my first breakup “X”.  This made sense: “X” as in “ex”.  Now I need more letters, and I’m having a hard time figuring out which ones to use. So, in order of the dates I went on, I’ll talk about A, B, C, and D.  These are not letter grades in any way, they are just in order of timeline.

I met three guys who I thought were worth talking to on OKCupid.  After about 60 hours on OKCupid, I was tired of the rather low quality and high quantity of messages I was getting, so decided to create another email address and start talking to these guys there. One thing I really learned about online dating in the polyamory community?  It’s a woman’s market and the good apples float to the top!

My first date was last Friday. A week ago.  It officially doubled the amount of dates I had in my life.  By date, I mean the type of life event where a guy asks a girl out, they go out and do something, they kiss at the end and the date is over.  I’ve since had 2-3 more, depending on definition. I’ll explain that later.

So, my date on Friday we will call “A”.  He was nice.  Fun to talk to.  A was a little cocky and dressed way better than any man I’ve ever met. One of his favourite things to do was shop.  We had fun. It was a good chat.  I knew about halfway through the date that while we were having a good time chatting, the connection wasn’t there, and it was unlikely we would have a second date.  But it was fun and worth doing.  The date ended with a nice hug and that was it.  He sent me a nice email that night thanking me for the date and saying I was lovely, and I returned a similar message back.  All in all, not a disaster and not a success.  I was encouraged that I made it through without saying anything really stupid or fumbling up big. I’m a bit accident prone and thrilled that I didn’t spill my red wine on his expensive suit!

My next date, with “B”, was on Monday.  B and I hit it off from the start. We had a great conversation and enjoyed our wine. Four hours passed in the blink of an eye, with no pause in conversation.  I intentionally slid closer to him so our legs touched.  He walked me to my car and asked to kiss me goodnight.  It was an amazing first kiss.  We have chatted non-stop via email and text, and he came over on Thursday night. I saw a lot more of him that night.

On Wednesday morning, I went out for a walk near where I work with “C”.  C, unlike the others, I met at a party we went to on Halloween.  We walked and chatted and had a great time.  He’s really easy to talk to and really fun.  I have no idea still if he thinks it was a date or not, but either way, I enjoyed it immensely.  He and I both have similar education levels and enjoy our rather dry senses of humour. The conversation just flowed with lots of joking back and forth.  The “not sure it was a date” ended with a hug and a lot of joking and that was it.  I got an email not long after and I gave him my personal email and we’ve been chatting back and forth with one liners since then.  There’s a lot of innuendo and while I’m unsure of his interest in me, I’m really enjoying the creative flirting and the fun it is being around him.  I’m starting to think he’s interested in me, but I’m not certain for sure. And this is OK.  Hubby is dating one of his partners and I think it would be very convenient if we dated too.  We have a breakfast date for a couple weeks from now and we’ll see what happens then.  In the meantime, the email conversation is fun and flirty and I’m really enjoying everything about it.

Finally, on Thursday at lunch, I went out with D.  D and I hit it off from moment #1.  I was so looking forward to this date and I was not disappointed.  He’s amazing and fun.  He makes me laugh while also thinking deeply and caring about politics and children and everything else under the sun.  He has an amazing beard, which I find sexy as hell and gets this look in his eyes that makes him almost irresistible.  And damn, he smells good.  He is really tall, and as a tall woman, I was able to wear my heeled boots to our date. The kiss that ended the date was the best first kiss I’ve ever had and the next day he apologized for it being awkward because he’d never kissed a girl as tall as me before.  I just laughed and responded that if that was awkward, I can’t wait to see amazing.

Hubby is also dating D’s wife. So, on Saturday, they took the kids to the zoo and I went over to D’s for some quality time.  The time was very high quality and I can’t wait to see him again.

Just like that, I narrowed my search for partners again.  I found two people I really want to develop relationships with, who want to develop relationships with me. They are amazing communicators, authentic, and check all my boxes and push all the right buttons.  I have a third person who is going to be worth taking a bit of time to get to know.

What this last two weeks has taught me is all the things that were really wrong with my relationship with X.  He guided my hand to the deep end of the pool by introducing me to the concept of polyamory.  Then I decided I wanted to jump in and prepared my life to do it.  So we jumped in with two feet.  But he forgot to take his girlfriend’s hand and guide her along too.  Maybe she wasn’t ready to swim.  She was certainly afraid of the water.  So, instead of treading water with me and working through challenges like poly people do, he left me in the water to drown while trying to convince her to come in.  Eventually, I figured out how to climb back out of that pool and dove in again later myself and found several people to swim with me.

The men in my life that are swimming with me are understanding, kind, supportive, and loving people. They have understanding, kind, supportive, and loving wives or partners.  I’m in contact and even friends with 2 of 3 of partners of my partners.  I’ve already met one and the other I’ll meet in person next weekend.  There’s a lot of interesting a fun experiences coming and undoubtedly some challenges.  But the thing about these challenges is that everyone involved knows what’s going on, wants what’s going on, and supports each other. You can’t experiment with polyamory, like X did, you have to live it.

My life is amazing and I am living it.

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Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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