I’m a strong, independent, and opinionated woman. It’s not often that I cry and talking about emotions while I’m going through them is a no go. I’m just not good at it. I don’t do romance well. I feel it. I could roll around naked in the amazing feeling of being in love or in the incredible feeling of having a man who is so into me that I lose myself in him and he in me, or the remarkable feeling of being so comfortable with someone that even in complete silence, you are utterly happy, but show that love? I’m not really that great at that.
I’ve been hearing for years about the book called “Love Languages”. Not long ago, I took the quiz online, and I had equally strong scores for “quality time” and “touch”. This was no shock to me. Even more, the fact that “gifts” were so low on my list, was the most obvious. I don’t care about things. I care about spending time with the people I love and I naturally just reach out to touch them. This happens easily for me. I rub my hands through my children’s hair, hug them, kiss them, and tickle them. I will smack my hubby on the ass as I walk by him. I’ll run my hands up and down D’s neck, because I know he likes it. B is big on touch too, so we spend a lot of time cuddling. It all just works.
But talking about it? Nope. I’m not good at anything more than saying “I love you”. However, I’ve found that this polyamory thing necessitates putting words to the romance that I normally show via touch and quality time, because there is a limit to how much touch and quality time one can have when one has three partners, four kids, two jobs, and a bit of a life! Last week, D and I expressed our love for each other for the first time. We had the most amazing “clothes on” date. It’s incredible to me that the perfect date involved us going to IKEA, dinner at his favourite pub, a walk in the freezing cold, and a tea to warm up, but it did. Now, the trip to IKEA was to get sheets and pillows for me to have at his place. This really means a poly form of commitment – I’m going to be there enough to need sheets to go on and off his bed. That’s a good thing! The dinner at his favourite pub was awesome. We shared a bunch of appetizers and chatted and kissed and it was like we were alone in the world. It was amazing. I think I was spotted by one of my coworkers from my second job, which could be problematic, but, in truth, I don’t really care. I am so happy with my choices, I’m OK to share them with the world! We then went for a walk and it was soooooooo cold! But we stopped and kissed and talked and just enjoyed each other. We warmed up over tea and watched the world go by out the window. It all sounds so simple. It’s hard to demonstrate the romance in it. It was by far the best date I’ve ever had. I think this is because we have so much fun together and the love we feel surrounds us no matter what we do. It’s amazing.
At the end of our night, we were kissing goodbye in his front entrance, because I had come to his place and spent time with his wife while waiting for him to get home from work and then we took his car. (The time with his wife was hilarious. She says: “Just in case you are wondering, I get the first kiss, then you.” Me: “Good to know the rules, that one makes sense to me.” Her (laughing): “Totally kidding, he was saying it would be hard to figure out who to kiss first, I guess, wife, girlfriend, then wife’s partner…..”)
So, we kissed goodbye for longer than we normally do. I’m sure we both felt the unsaid words in the air. At one point, he whispered something, and I didn’t hear what he said, so I stopped kissing him and asked what he said. He said “Goodnight my love” and then quickly added “I hope that’s OK?” I kissed him and said “Yes, I’m there too.” We kissed more. Then, in the midst of an amazingly close hug, I whispered in his ear, “I love you”. He whispered it back and kissed me. Then I left, because that’s just the perfect way to end a date.
The day after our perfect date, I sent the following email to D. I couldn’t get him out of my mind, or the happiness I felt at how lovely it was, and I realized that I should share my happiness with him.
I’m feeling sappy and romantic and full of all the good feelings today. Last night was amazing. I’m not sure how the perfect date ended up including going to IKEA and a freezing cold walk, but it was by far the best date I’ve ever had. I think it’s because we just have so much fun together and connect so well that it doesn’t really matter what we are doing, but for my part it just felt so *right*. I love being with you, talking to you, learning more about you. Uncovering the many layers of “D”. 😉
When “your wife” called things off with “Hubby”, that’s when I realized that the intense attraction I had to you had developed into more than just that initial connection I felt for you. (I told “my person” that I was in lust with you!) Nothing like a little fear to bring up the truth of your emotions. Then when you left that Sunday evening, and it had been so amazing, I was sure.
And that’s when you became really important to me. When I realized I needed to tell you about what was going on with “Hubby” even though someone you love is also involved. When I realized I had to share a little more of my vulnerable and imperfect side so you could truly get me. And then you responded in such an amazing and loving way. I couldn’t have asked for better.
Maybe last night was perfect because the love was just everywhere in everything we did? I don’t know. But my heart was pounding as I kissed you at the front door and knew so completely how I was feeling but was scared to say it. And then we did. And that moment, like nearly all of our other ones, was perfect too. The most perfect first kiss, the most perfect first sex, and the most perfect first “I love you”.
I’m so excited to see what the future will bring us. I’m so incredibly thankful that I have in my life.
I love you.
He responded that he didn’t have words and that he loves me too.
We love each other.