It’s not deep or meaningful, it’s just an update

I have rekindled a bit of a relationship with B.  It’s going well, we are enjoying talking again, and moving at a much slower pace than before.  It’s good, but his wife is having a hard time with the amount of time he spent with her while he was dating me properly and they are in the midst of an argument about the fact that she is feeling unloved and unprioritized.  I advised him that if she has a problem with him having a relationship with me now, that I lost the right to ask for support of my relationship with him from his other partners when I broke up with him, and he should prioritize them and not pursue anything with me.

It’s strange giving relationship advice to someone I am involved with.  It’s good, but strange.  I suggested to him that his marriage is more important than me, and he needs to fix things at home before we do anything other than talk in the future.  We’ll see if it goes anywhere.  He did message me to thank me for the support today, and that was nice.  I’m glad I can be a positive influence after the hurt I caused him.

At home, hubby and I seem to be jumping hurdles on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, we don’t seem to successfully jump them on the first try. Seems that we tie our legs together and then wonder why we crash through the hurdle.  We need to get better at that.

Most recently, hubby came home asking to spend a couple hours on either our date day that we have planned or on Christmas eve (which is when we are doing family Christmas) so he could spend some time with his girlfriend.  She is going away for four days and when she returns, they will be going on an overnight date.  I am currently at the end of three solo parenting days in a row, and tomorrow will be another.  Hubby works the four days before his overnight date, including Christmas. He’s spent more time with her in the last week than he has with me since September.

I’m disappointed that he even asked.  I get that he’s all NRE’d up and wants to spend every second with her, in fact, I feel the same way about D.  But I’m able to recognize that that’s not what we should be doing.  My feelings are hurt.  I feel unprioritized and second in line.  I feel less loved.  I feel like she is shiny and new and that it’s just a little too easy for him to cast me aside in favour of spending time with her.

Trying to explain how I felt went over poorly.  Hubby got defensive an angry and attacked.  He should have appealed to my love of him and desire for him to be happy and expressed in big boy words what he needed out of the situation.  He didn’t.  Fortunately for him, I talked to the amazingly talented C, who gave me great advice.  So, because I love hubby, and I want him to be happy, I told him to go see his girlfriend in the middle of our date.

In the meantime, she made plans with her other boyfriend, who also happens to be the same C as in the previous paragraph.  So, now hubby is mad at me because I talked to C about my issues with him asking me for time to spend with his girlfriend on our date day.  C gave great advice and didn’t break any trusts.  Honestly, hubby’s girlfriend didn’t make him a priority.  And a word of advice, when your hubby’s girlfriend doesn’t make him a priority, you shouldn’t state that fact out loud. Yikes!

The next days, hubby and I get to spend together. I’m so excited. Getting things back on track is going to be awesome. I love him, and want to work it out now. I want our awesome back.

In the meantime, I reopened my OKCupid account and am talking to a couple guys. I’m no longer looking for anything, but if the right guy comes along, that may change.

I miss D. A lot. He’s on vacation and gone for 2 weeks. Turns out he means even more than I thought. Because damn is it hard to just text. But we’re solid. And that’s good.


Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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