Polyamory is: Going on a first date and finding out that the guy went on a date with your boyfriend’s wife a year ago and that he used to date the wife of another man that you’ve been chatting with on OkCupid.
Polyagony is: Your husband prioritizing his girlfriend over you on your date day.
Polyamory is: texting with your boyfriend while he’s smoking a cigar, naked, on the balcony off his hotel room at a swinger’s club in Mexico with his wife after having been at a pimps and playboy bunnies party where he had a threesome.
Polyagony is: Missing that boyfriend so much that it hurts at times when he’s only been gone for two weeks, but not being jealous of his sexual exploits.
Polyamory is: Going to hang out with your boyfriend’s wife and her new partner for a while before a date and joking about who gets the first kiss.
Polyagony is: Your ex-boyfriend’s wife being horrifically angry and jealous of you and turning it into a huge fight with said ex-boyfriend and him being miserable because of it.
Polyamory is: Telling your boyfriend you have a first date, and his response is: “Have fun!!!”
Polyagony is: Going on said first date and thinking about your boyfriend the whole time and how none of this date is anything like the first date with your boyfriend and how you wish you were out with him instead.
Polyamory is: Going to IKEA on the most romantic date you’ve ever had to buy sheets and pillows to have at your boyfriend’s house when you sleep over.
Polyagony is: Breaking up with you first poly partner because he can’t give you what you need in a relationship because of his relationship with a monogamous woman.
Polyamory is: Opening up your OKCupid account to reread the first messages with your boyfriend and staying on and having conversations with many men when you aren’t really looking for something new.
Polyamory is: New experiences, authentic living, accepting one’s self, opening your mind, fulfilling so many dreams and living life fully. It is everything I could have ever imagined. Including the pain. Because it’s real and shows that I’m living my life how I want and need to live it.
Polyagony is a part of Polyamory and getting out the other side makes polyamory that much better.