All the things!

There are so many things I haven’t written about from the past weeks.  Hence the title.  Let’s see where I should start and where I’ll take it. There might be some repeats, because I don’t feel like going back and reading what I wrote previously.

I’ve concluded that what I was feeling with hubby and his girlfriend was jealousy and have been working on solving things. It’s been going well and things are improving day by day.

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Between Christmas and New Year’s, I went on a date with a guy I met on OKCupid.  I guess that makes him “E”.  We played darts and drank beer and joked around.  There was this hilarious incident where an old Scottish man desperately wanted to play darts and interrupted our date to challenge E to a game of darts. I laughed hilariously at the cock block.  Truthfully, it was quite clear early on that there would be no second date.  This sounds horrible, but I wasn’t physically attracted to him. This wouldn’t have been a big deal if he had a stellar personality, but there were so many red flags that they came with fireworks shooting out the top.  He made a lot of inappropriate sexual jokes.  The worst was when he hit on the waitress and she was clearly very uncomfortable.  But the deal breaker was the fact that he has a monogamous girlfriend, who didn’t know he was on a date with me.  And that is pretty much all that there is to say about that.

Oh! Except when I told D about it, he just said “have fun”.  Which makes him the most amazing boyfriend ever.  Not far into the date, I discovered that D’s wife had gone on a date with E a year ago.  She and I have chatted about E and had a good laugh at all the things that were wrong.  I’ve discussed with her that I may just ask her if she’s gone on a date with a certain guy before I go out, because she seems to have the insider information!

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So, A and I became friends.  Then there was this day that I invited him over to our place for wine.  And then we drank three bottles of wine and ended up naked and fucking.  So, I guess I will write another blog post about him.  We flirted and drank wine and joked on my couch for five hours.  We talked about all the things.  Sex, relationships, feelings. And somewhere along the way, it became quite clear that I had gone from “It’s never going to happen” to “I want it to happen”.  It also became clear that he wanted it, but I had to make the first move.  I remember having an internal battle about what to do, and finally decided to make the move.  He’s a great kisser.  I think I asked him at least 10 times if he was sure.  If he really wanted to level up.  He said yes.  We had sex.  And had sex again. And again.  And it was great.

I had to tell hubby.  It was hard for him, because it was unexpected.  And then I had to tell D.  A’s wife is D’s wife’s best friends, which could complicate things.  And of course, D said “Sounds like you had fun!” and then let me have a nap in his bed.  Because he’s the best boyfriend ever.

During the next week, A and I texted a lot, and at some point, I realized he had not said that what happened was a mistake or something he didn’t want again.  So I invited him over again.  The night before, I texted something about fucking again and I was good with it happening and he was happy with my bluntness.

At some point, I realized the day of our date, that I hadn’t actually talked to D about it.  So I sent a message to him telling him that A was coming over and it was likely to end the way it had before and apologized for not telling him earlier.  His response was perfection.

“Hahaha! I already know.  A’s wife is here.”  

“No worries love, have fun.”

And, in the cherry on the proverbial cake:

“A’s wife is on her way home, so if A is waiting before leaving, he should be on his way soon. ;)”

My response?

“Hahaha.  You really are the best boyfriend a girl could ask for.”

So, A and I fucked again.  And honestly, it was really damn good sex.  So, we’re fucking.  The rest is labelless.  Are we FWB?  Probably.  Are we dating? Maybe, but probably not.  Are we a couple? Nope.  At this point, we aren’t escalating, we’re fucking, and when we’re not fucking, we’re friends. We have fun together and great conversations.  And we are both aware that we may need to have conversations if all or any of the feelings develop.  I’m actually a little worried that the feelings might develop, either on my part, or on his part, but that’s a silly thing to worry about at this point.  We can cross any of those bridges as they arise.  In the meantime, he rings my bell, I ring his, and we have a fun and comfortable connection.  We’ll just let it develop and evolve naturally.  And what happens, happens.

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So, D’s wife and A’s wife are best friends.  They are all going out next friday.  This morning, as I was eating breakfast, I realized that D and A are metamours, and D’s wife and A’s wife are my metamours. And then I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

A’s wife wants to meet me over wine so I can give her the dirt on the comparison between D and A.  So not going to happen. But I love her sense of humour about it all.

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I’ve got a major crush on a guy from OKCupid, who I’m going to call G. I’m calling him G, because he can’t be “F”.  He has to be bigger than that, meaning that I have a huge connection with him.  By huge, I mean equivalent to the connection I had with D before our first date.  I really want to meet him and see if it’s there in person, but a bad case of influenza had him out for a couple weeks and now he’s playing catch up. (I just realized how implausible that sounds.  Maybe I’m being played?  I guess it’s possible, but I prefer to think the good things of people).  I guess we’ll see.  My dance card is happily full right now, so I’m just not going to stress it. But I’ll be sad if I don’t get to at least go on one date with him.

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This week has been tough on me.  My grandma got very sick this last month and has been in and out of hospital and died yesterday.  She was in her 90s, so it’s not surprising, but it’s sad anyway.  Hubby has been amazing.  He cuddled me and made me feel loved and protected on Wednesday night.  He came by work on Thursday just to give me a hug, right at a time when I was about to break down at work.  He offered to stay home with me on Thursday if I needed him to instead of going out with his girlfriend.  This was amazing and because he offered, I felt loved and supported and didn’t need him to.  Then yesterday, after she died, he offered to come home from work to just to hang out with me if I needed him. He did again tonight.  All of that has been amazing.  I feel so loved and protected and supported by him right now.  Just because he offered.  Because he cared.  Because he cares.

D has also been amazing.  From the amazing cuddles I got Wednesday night to the amazing distraction he provided last night to the awesome hugs and love and just checking in I’ve got the last few days.

Even A has been checking in and making sure I’m OK.  And then there are all the people who care about me who aren’t my partners.  I guess the biggest thing that came out of this is that there is a long list of people who care about me and my well being.  I’m a very lucky girl.

I guess that’s it for now.  My life is crazy.  Weird.  Crazy, weird, and awesome.  So. Fucking. Awesome.

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Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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