The other two sides of Polyamory for me: A and D

Well, I’ve updated on the goings on with hubby and I and our disaster of a relationship at the present moment. Truthfully, it’s not really disastrous, it’s just under renovation.  Today, I think we’ll get there.  I certainly hope so.  I certainly know I want it to.  But enough of that. Let’s talk about my other amazing men and how much they mean to me.

First, D.  Fuck, that man is amazing.  Accepting, loving, kind, passionate, intelligent, and every other amazing adjective there is.  He has his priorities straight and has an amazing sense of humour and makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world for him when we are together, which is amazing, given that he is married!  Everything with him is comfortable.  We’ve reached that stage where we are no longer consumed by new relationship energy.  We love spending time together, but our goodbye kisses are no longer 10 minutes long, they are a quick couple of smooches and we are off.  I can tell him about my bad day and he’ll reach across the table and squeeze my hand or give me the most amazing enveloping hug.  I can cry in front of him and know he’ll just listen to me.  I can show up at his house in jeans and a t-shirt and having not had time to get my eyelashes done or remove the nail polish from my toes, I know he won’t care.  I know he’ll laugh with me and cuddle me and kiss me and make me feel like a queen.  I know that I can hang out with his kids and have fun with them and I know that he can hang out with mine and that they’ll run to the door and hug him and drag him to play.  I also know that once those kids are in bed, that we will have the most amazing passionate, hot, sexy, and loving naked time.  We know each other’s bodies now.  He knows how to rock my world in ways that no one ever has.  I know how to get him going too.  We have fun.  We can laugh at how “smooth” clothes removal goes and get completely lost in the passion of it all at the same time.  But when it comes down it, I look at him and I just love him.  I blows me away with who he is and what he is to me.  I love him. Period.  

Second, A.  I was laughing earlier today that I once wrote a blog post saying that it would be the last time that I wrote about A.  Well, getting drunk with A and falling naked into bed with him was one of the best things I could have done.  Months later, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see how he used his knowledge of people and their motivations to get me to cross the couch, but I can also see how I actively made that decision.  I find it funny that I thought we would just be friends with benefits or that I could keep him in a box, separate from my feelings.  I should have known myself better.  Alas, I did not.  

At the beginning, it was all really weird.  The fact that I had got a rejection letter (one I agreed with) from him and we just ended up drunk in bed together contributed.  The fact that I was giving him advice about revising his expectations of another relationship was also weird.  The fact that A and D’s wives are best friends and that A and D have known each other for a long time (going on 14-15 years, I think) was a lot for me to process.  It was weird to me that A found his way under my skin and into my heart without me even noticing.  But then, I thought he was going to stay in a box so I wasn’t suspecting him to sneak into my heart.  But he has.  I’m falling in love with him.  I joked with him early on that he’s a cocky version of me, but now that I know him, I know that his public persona is very dissimilar to who he is with me.  He is so kind and loving and cuddly and sweet and generous and all around wonderful.  He is gentle and passionate and so much I value about a man.  He’s very quickly becoming a very important component of my life and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Somewhere along the way, in my typical very sex positive way, I started talking to A about my interest in kink and all the things I want to explore. Even in vanilla sex, some of my desires are not something A has experienced much before, so it means that I scratch an itch or two he hasn’t had scratched often.  Of course, when we move out of the realm of vanilla, there are a shit ton of things I want to try.  Turns out that some of these things are things that A wants to explore too, so it seems we have some adventures ahead of us.  He brought over a box of toys last time he was over, and we had a grand time.  He’s tapped into his dominant side and my submissive side and it was amazing.  He was fantastic.  He continually asked how I was doing, what I wanted, checked in constantly and gave me amazing orgasms.  I am so very very very excited about where we will take this together.  I’m also curious to see how submission in the bedroom will translate in our relationship, because I am anything but submissive in my real life.  It’s such an incredibly liberating thing to be embracing those things we want without apology or embarrassment.  

These two relationships are keeping me happy while I sort my shit out with hubby. This is a good thing.  They give me the touch and compassion and love that I need.  I love D deeply and unreservedly, that’s unlikely to ever change.  He’s perfect for me in so many ways.  I only need to look at him to realize how much he means to me and how lucky I am to have him.  I’m going to love A very soon.  He’s going to love me too.  It’s going to be wonderful.  It’s just going to be. Perfect.  


Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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