Katy Perry and Twisty Bits

If you knew me in real life, you would be amazed that I have made reference to something pop culture. Even if it is so 2009.

Life is plugging along.  I’m super busy at work, it’s that time of year when all the things pile up on me and I could work 18 hours a day and not keep up.  A is going through a terrible time of stress in his life and I’m trying to support him to the best of my ability. D had a surgery this week.  I made him a cake:

So why the Katy Perry reference?  Well, I kissed a girl and I liked it.  One of my best friends, my “soul sister” as I like to call her, who I will call G (for Girl!), and I started chatting several months ago.  She actually messaged me to tell me she had a crush on hubby and I warned her off because no one wants W as a metamour.  We started talking about fantasies and I mentioned that I want to have a MMMF fantasy, and an MMF, and an MFF.  Then we got talking about the two of us having an MFF threesome. So for a damn long time, we’ve been discussing and planning and working our way through the details of this big step.  

I’ve always been attracted to other women. But I would identify as heterosexual if anyone asked me. G is different, because I already love her, because she’s one of my closest friends and biggest supports.  But the fact that I can bring up an MFF threesome while she’s getting supper ready and I’m supervising my eldest at swimming lessons tells you something about who we both are.  We are just really open, sex-positive people who share a bond that we are willing to test a little bit for maximum experience.  

So, this conversation started in January, and it started with talking about who our “M” would be.  At the time, G only had her husband, who I will call “H”, and I had A and D and hubby.  Hubby was out because of W.  G wanted for it to be with someone other than H, because at that time she hadn’t slept with anyone but H for 18 years.  So that narrowed it down to A and D.

A and D are very different. They are the same in all the important ways: Kind, generous, open, understanding, supportive, thoughtful, great in bed, hot as fuck (OK, those last two are just me bragging) – but our relationships, and definitely our naked time, are completely different. D is very gentle and caring and sensuous and well, very talented like no man I’ve ever met in some of the crucial naked time departments. A is a man who takes charge, is dominant, gives me many many orgasms but teases me until I’m begging for them, and he’s strong and sexy and sometimes really cocky.  Underneath that rough exterior though, A has a soft fluffy interior and is actually quite sensitive, kind, and caring.  A and D are opposites on the narrow spectrum of people I like. I immediately suggested A as our guy.  Part of it is I know a lot about G’s sexual preferences, and A will tick all those boxes, and part of it was that at the time we started discussing it, A and I hadn’t been dating long so I didn’t have feelings for him, other than a lot of respect and lust.  Of course, A and I were talking about it, and he said that he mentioned it to his wife, and she said “Is it because she doesn’t want to share D?”  Well, turns out A’s wife is super intuitive, because that was what was going on.  So, I realized that I had what G and I call “Twisty Bits”, and thought it through.  I don’t really want to share D.  I love him deeply.  I don’t want another woman to come into his life and become important to him.  But that’s silly, I already share him with his wife!  But she was here first, so she doesn’t count. Turns out this twisty bit is a normal emotional reaction, but one I wanted to deal with before it becomes a problem.

I spent some time trying to work my way through the emotions of a hypothetical second girlfriend for D and I think I’m in a good place. I realized that D with his gentle touch and his gorgeous beard and his amazingly kind and gentle personality would be perfect for G.  That my problem was more that I didn’t want them having a relationship, because that meant “losing” time with him and time with her.  Now, I know I’m a priority to each of them, so it’s silly.  And that’s what I worked through.  At least I worked through the anxiety the hypothetical caused.  I think I could share D with G if it was a thing and just be happy about it and for them.  Because I love them both.

So, that brought us to A, with his extra special talents and his enjoyment of making girls’ fantasies come true.  Especially girls like G and I, who like a man who ties us up, takes control, spanks us, and gives us all the pleasure.  Now A has surprised me a bit in his approach to all this.  His response was “I need to meet G first and see if there is a connection”, when I asked him if he was interested.  (That was D’s response too, when I got to the point where I was comfortable asking him, because sharing him is still a little scary to think about).  He immediately went into “getting to know G” mode, as I like to think of it.  They tried to have a date while I was away for my grandma’s funeral, but it fell through due to illness.  With all that is going on in A’s life, it may be a while until they manage to actually get together and do a chemistry test.  This is all OK, because with all that is going on in my life, a long slow approach to a threesome with my soul sister and a boyfriend I now care deeply about is probably a good thing.  

G and I decided we should do a ‘chemistry test’.  See if we have chemistry together sexually, on top of our obvious emotional and intellectual attraction.  So, for many weeks, we’ve been trying to get together with the entire purpose of kissing and seeing what’s there.  Last night was that night. G is my soul sister.  I already love her.  I lean on her for tons of support and she leans on me too.  H, her hubby, has a thing for me. I have a thing for him.  All of us know that with everything that is going on in my life, I need another man in it like I need a hole in my head.   But that doesn’t mean the attraction doesn’t feel good.  Last night, G and I cuddled. We held hands.  I talked to her about my Twisty Bits with A, and she talked to me about her Twisty Bits with her boys.  Somewhere through the night, I just said, “I think I need to kiss you now”, and we did.  It was soft and sweet and gentler than any kiss I’ve had before.  It wasn’t deep or sexy, it was just “right”.  We have a chemistry.  I am looking forward to exploring it.

G is good at knowing what people need.  She knew I had never kissed a girl before, let alone one of my few girl best friends.  She cuddled me and rubbed my arm, and when she left she gave me a kiss and it was lovely.  I am really looking forward to more.  I’m so lucky to have all the levels of G that I have in my life.  She is truly amazing.

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Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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