Expanding my tribe

Work has finally slowed down for me.  I just have to get caught up on some last minute things, meet a couple deadlines, and have a few meetings and my days will be clear sailing until the end of April.  This is good, because I’ve been busy in my social life.  Well, not that busy, I guess, but having a lot of fun maintaining my friendships and relationships and forging new and interesting connections with people.  It’s Easter weekend.  Hubby is off with W for a couple days, I’m solo parenting, D is off to his parents in another province, and I’m waiting for A to arrive at my house after I had Easter dinner at my parent’s house, where my crazy ass sister had a temper tantrum and was a psycho bitch. So pretty much the same old stuff for my life.

On Wednesday, I went out on a social night with several of the girls I work with.  Hilariously, D and his wife were going out to the same event.  The night before, pillow talk with A led to a conversation about whether I was going to tell my coworkers I was polyamorous or not.  He just laughed and said “Every person in the room with you two knows how you feel about each other.  You need to tell them, because they’ll know anyway.”  Well, A knows me really well, and he said what I needed to hear.  I have no poker face.  When I texted D to tell him my decision, he just responded with “Truth”.  He knows me well too, and I think he figured I’d be telling them either way.

So, I headed into my first coworker’s office and said “Hey, I have to tell you something personal…” and blurted it out.  Her response was perfect. I honestly couldn’t have asked for better.  I am a scientist and I work with scientists. We are highly educated, liberal minded, and independent thinkers.  This all is exemplified in the way she responded.  It went something like this:

“Cool!  Does your hubby know?”

“Do your boyfriends’ wives know?”

“How did you meet them?”

“I’ve always thought monogamy was a social construct that goes against the natural biology of organisms including humans.”

“How do you schedule time with them with four kids and two jobs and everything else you have going on?”

“How do you deal with kids in these situations?”

“How long have you been together?”

“You mean I’ve met them?”

Genuine, heartfelt happiness for me and abundant curiosity.  


“I thought that maybe you were just pretending to be coping so well with your career challenges and your separation because you and I aren’t super close friends.  But you really are happy, aren’t you?”

Yes. Yes. I am.

So, then I headed into second coworkers office. Close door.  Repeat announcement. Her response:

“You know you don’t have to tell me this, don’t you?”

“As long as you are consenting adults, I don’t care what you do.”

“Why are you telling me this?”


So, I explained that I didn’t want them to think that I am separating from hubby because I’m having an affair, that everything I’m doing is above board.  

Of course, coworker #3 wasn’t in that day, so I had to get coworker #1 to tell her on the way to the event so she wasn’t weirded out.

Of course, we ended up sitting with D and his wife, had a great time, nothing was awkward or weird and much laughter was involved.

The next day, coworker #3 came into my office and we talked a bit and I apologized that I didn’t tell her myself about my alternative lifestyle.  She just laughed and said “Don’t worry about it, I dated a trans person for a long time, I’m very comfortable with alternative lifestyles. In fact, it’s one of my first questions when I meet a guy, because I need people in my life who are open and understanding.”

So ya.  There you have it.  My amazing job just got even better.  Now I have coworkers who know about my life and support me in it.  And we’re going to the same event next month.

Such an amazing life.



Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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