Relaxed. OK. Happy.

The last four days have been incredible.  I can’t remember the last time I was this relaxed and full.  Full of love, acceptance, understanding, and family.  

It started last Thursday night when I slept over at D’s place.  I got to get up and go to work from his house, which is far closer to my work than my house is, and since I didn’t have kids to get ready, I was at work, with take out breakfast in hand, 50 minutes after I got out of bed!  Thursday night with D was great, just being together.  Cuddles and love and sleeping on opposite edges of the bed because that’s how we both sleep best (I love cuddling, just not while asleep – too sticky!) and then cuddling before having to get out of bed in the morning. It was an excellent way to start the day!

Before I got out of bed, I checked my phone for all the places I get messages, and I was surprised to see a message from X!  It was really nice. He was reaching out as a friend, extending an olive branch, and since I have zero hard feelings for how things went and I have nothing but positive thoughts about him, I was very happy to receive it.  We have been chatting back and forth all weekend, and it feels incredibly…comforting…to have him back in my life.  I have zero expectations from him.  I won’t ever lose my romantic attraction to him.  It’s been a permanent fixture in my life for almost 24 years, but I am capable of not acting on it for the meantime and being his friend. No one is more cognizant of the fact that I’m in no place to date than I am right now.  Plus he lives 1400 km away, so I’m pretty safe! (This is me acknowledging that I’m kind of bad at being friends with guys.  Especially one I’m attracted to. But if I don’t actually see him, I should be safe!)

My day of work was fabulous, I felt so good coming home, chilled with my monkeys and A came over.  It was so good to have him here. To just chat and laugh and connect.  We had some quality naked time and fell asleep in each other’s arms early in the evening.  Both of us were exhausted, but A is just wiped from the amount of stuff he has on his plate and I think he needed that time just cuddling as much as he needed the sex. I realized after he left that we had reached the place where we are happy to collapse in each other’s arms and fall asleep. To just “be”.  What an amazing place to be.  That realization makes my heart do flips and brings a smile to my face.  Comfort like that is something to be strived for in every relationship.  

Saturday, my girls put together a very fun mother’s day tea for me, full of cute and love and a lot of fun. D and his boys came over and we had crazy kids running around everywhere. We ate supper together and just had a normal poly family type day.  It was amazing.  His kids were so good with my kids.  It was lovely.

Today, Sunday, I worked at my second job.  It was a busy day at work but quiet on the man front.  A is busy doing what A does when he disappears on the weekends, and doesn’t commit to plans during the week, leaving me slightly stressed that I don’t know when I’ll see him next.  D was with his boys and doing the usual work around the house that needs to get done. (Unfortunately, no matter how many relationships you have, laundry and housework and basic life shit still has to get done).  F was home parenting and decided to have W and her kids over, so rather than pulling the mother’s day card, I decided to get together with D and his kids (his wife was away in another city for the weekend).  We had a nice dinner.  About halfway through, I hear D say “Oh Hi!” and get up and give a girl a hug.  She introduces him to her companion, and he says “This is my girlfriend.”  and introduces me.  I was so shocked and it was clear she was too.  Turns out they’ve been friends for 15ish years and judging by her face, she didn’t know D is polyamorous.  That bit of awkward was funny and interesting and gave us something to talk about.  D was a little surprised and distracted by what he did, but I’m sure he’ll just have a beer with her sometime this week and sort everything out.  It got me to thinking about what I would do in the same situation, and I realized that most of the people I care about already know that I’m poly and so I wouldn’t really mind to tell more. But I’d probably just say “This is D” and not qualify our relationship.  We went back to his place and cuddled and chatted on the couch and it was lovely.  I came home and F had got me flowers and a card and the kids made me another card for mother’s day, and for the first time, my second wrote her own name.  

Life is good in this moment.  I’m happy.  That’s all that matters right now.

 

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Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

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