The dawn

Well, 9 hours after I got dumped for the first time in my life, I woke up at 4:30 am and baked a cake, chatted with G and K about my break up and have come to a reasonably good place.  Sure, I know I’ll go a few more rounds of feelings and hurt and processing before I’m done, but the reality is that I have bigger things in my life going on and they are way more important than my hurt and disappointment in D.

My primary thoughts are that I’ve learned something about him that I didn’t know previously.  He’s the kind of guy who will, out of nowhere, break up with a girl he says he loves, after six months without so much as one conflict, because he feels like she is an “obligation”.  He doesn’t try to get to the root of the problem.  He doesn’t communicate his concerns.  He encounters the first “problem”, and without communicating with the person he has the issue with, the person he says he loves, he leaves.  He walks away from challenge.  He does so without even having the courtesy of doing it in person.  He sends a lame email and he doesn’t even attempt to explain.  Lame, half-assed apologies are what he offers.

Well, my disappointment in him and how he handled this is simple to understand. I was blindsided.  It’s obvious that he’s not handling my separation well. What else could it be?  He’s excused every bad mood with how busy he’s been or how stressful work is or other things, never once did he communicate that he was having a hard time with me talking to him about my separation.  I had no idea he was internalizing my issues and that he wasn’t coping with my conflict. Had he communicated it?  I could have gone elsewhere for support. But he told me he wanted to be there as a source of support.

Let’s forget how lame it is that he can’t handle the complexities of my life, the complexities, I may add, that I’m navigating amazingly well with little impact on my life let alone the life of others, and focus on the fact that he had an issue and didn’t communicate it.  I don’t want to be with someone who thinks so little of me that he will drop me via email six months into a relationship that had zero issues with no explanation.  Now that I know this part of who he is, I don’t want to be with him.

So, this morning, I’m more focused on the one thing about him I will miss – his amazing oral skills and the best orgasms of my life.  The reality is that my feelings for him were probably intricately linked to those orgasms, so they wouldn’t come back anyway.  So I’ll mourn their loss in the same practical way I mourn the loss of what I thought was a near perfect relationship.

And I added getting dumped to my 40 things before 40 list. Because I’ve never been dumped before…..

Advertisements

Author: Polyagony or Polyamory

In August 2016, after 10 years of being "happily" married, my husband and I decided to embark on a life embracing polyamory. This blog is about that adventure. It's a place for me to let out my thoughts and emotions, as we discover the good and the bad of the life we have chosen. Several months later, the path we have chosen has led us down different paths, farther and farther away from each other, but no less of an adventure. If anything interests you, I'd love your comments and feedback. Discussion and differing opinions are always welcome.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s