I’m a little drunk. As is my normal for coping with the times when now ex-boyfriends should be at my house. D and I had talked about him staying over tonight. Instead of having amazing sex, complete with his amazing oral skills, I’m drinking alone, while watching the Walking Dead. Honestly, It’s kind of perfect. I need this time alone to recharge, regroup, and remember what I love about me. Even if we were together, this would kind of be the perfect night.
Today was a fantastic day. I spent the day working in my yard. I mowed the lawn. I planted tomatoes and cucumbers and zucchini and peas and corn and beans and herbs too. My kids were crazy little hyper monkeys that were full of awesome on so many levels. My littlest little man only killed one plant in the process. Definitely a win!
I processed. Oh, how I processed. I processed the not understanding part of D’s departure from my life, I processed the latest cuntbaggery that is F’s communication with me. I mowed my lawn and the mower squealed and was a pain in the ass and my step-dad came over and played with a few things and fixed it and had it started in minutes. Because I’m a strong, fiercely independent woman who needs her dad to come save the day sometimes. (And I’m so incredibly glad I have the support I do in my life!)
My person came over. My friend from work who is smart and funny and supportive and kinky like me. We talked for hours. The kids stayed up way too late. We talked and laughed and supported each other and it was awesome. She is amazing. She reminds me about all the things that I have to offer the world and that the world should appreciate about me.
I don’t know what else needs to be said. I’m taking this weekend for me. I’m remembering why I love myself. Getting back in touch with my kids, who are amazing little people with a diverse range of personalities that is incredible. I’m still astounded by their differences, four people from the same two parents. I love them for the cool little people they are, but am so incredibly excited to see the much bigger people that they become.
I’m so fortunate. So fortunate to have people who love me. To have people who appreciate me. To have people to accept me for who I am and love me in spite of it and despite it. To have the support of all of these amazing people. These people who love me and my kids. I have so many people who love me. I am blessed. I am loved. I am drunk. Hahahahahaha!