Smack dab in the feelings. That’s where I landed tonight.
A friend invited me to her birthday party in the first week of August today. She specifically invited A with me, which is kind of awesome. I invited him along. Sure enough, he’s gone that weekend. Then he’s away for 2 weeks starting the weekend after. And I’m gone the weekend he gets back. So we just lost every weekend in August. Every. Single. Weekend. I’m having surgery on Wednesday. I’m getting a tubal ligation and uterine ablation. As a now “single” woman, I need to be in control of my fertility, and this is the best way. Of course I’m safe about my sex. Condoms are an investment I make in bulk. Sexual health is important to me. But most definitely, my uterus is closed for inhabitation, and I won’t be leaving control of such a situation up to the men I’m having sex with or a piece of latex.
But the thing is, I’m going to lose a couple weeks of recovery time to this procedure, possibly more. The recovery time can be anywhere from one to six weeks. So, we’ve also lost the last couple of weeks in July. It may be as distant as September the next time we can have sex. This makes me sad. I guess it will depend on my pain and how well I heal, and the ridiculous schedule the men in my life have. I had absolutely incredible sex with L on Friday afternoon and what was going to be mind-blowing sex with A that was interrupted with real life on Friday evening, and then he spent the night for the first time in our entire relationship and it was amazing and I wish I could have enjoyed it properly, but he had to leave early in the morning, and biology decided to fuck with me and be a giant pain in the ass this morning, and my period arrived three days early, when I was really hoping to use those three days to bank all the sex I could before I had surgery. So, now sex is off the table for the foreseeable future, A and I probably won’t be able to have sex for two to six weeks or so, and L and I won’t have sex for at least two to 4 weeks. Maybe one of the other three men I’m dating/interested in may move in there, but the reality is that this girl who needs a little more attention won’t get the sexual attention she needs. Chances are, regardless of need for sexual attention, the men in my life won’t be available.
I wrote this several days ago. Yesterday, I had my tubal ligation and endometrial ablation. I had a bit of hope when the nurse told me it would be only a couple of weeks until I could have sex, but the obstetrician burst that bubble just before I went into surgery and told me it would be 4-6 weeks. The endometrial ablation basically destroys all the cells in the lining of my uterus, and so no penetration with anything is allowed for 4-6 weeks due to the risk of infection. So, it’s going to be the end of August before I get to have sex. I know what it’s like to need IV antibiotics because of a major infection, that’s not something I want to repeat, so I shouldn’t complain. It’s totally worth it. But damn if it isn’t going to be hard. I should have had this procedure when I was still married to F and didn’t care if I had sex for months at a time. Well, I’m sure I’ll live through it, and it’s not like I have to be a nun during that time. I’ll find ways to enjoy myself and the men in my life.
Among the funnier things yesterday was my mom coming to pick me up from the hospital and asking me how I was feeling and me answering “I’m stoned”, and us both laughing about the fact that we never expected me to supply that answer voluntarily when she was picking me up. The anesthesiologist I had was the same woman who gave me my epidural with baby #3. Somehow, we ended up having a conversation about misogyny in academia and in her chosen profession, congratulations about separations, and everything in between. In general, the whole thing was fun and interesting and relatively painless, thanks to some Tylenol 3’s and my parents who spoiled me rotten, and exceptionally good medical staff.
Today, I’m feeling a little bit tender and swollen. I stole away for a lunch with A, which was, by far, the highlight of my day. The man gives the best hugs and the after lunch hug has sustained me for the rest of the day.
I’m back with my munchkins now, having convinced F that he should put them to sleep to give me a little extra time to recover, since I’m not supposed to lift anything and I have a toddler who loves to be carried everywhere. I got a lovely welcome from #2 and tomorrow will be full of cuddles and relaxation, while my new nanny gets acquainted with the kids. It should be good.