In the past 2 weeks, I’ve completely fallen for O. Thankfully, he’s also fallen for me. We mock ourselves for falling hard and fast, but neither of us is interested in stepping off or even slowing down our runaway train. It’s just right. Everything about it. The last couple of nights, I slept at his house. We got a lot of time to chat and laugh and connect and lots of intimate time too. This morning when I arrived at work, after he dropped me off that is, because I shut off my alarm and sort of….um…..got side-tracked before getting out of bed and getting ready for my day until it
was way too late for me to make it to work via public transit, I sat in my office sort of reentering into reality after the last few wonderful days. Reentry wasn’t difficult or painful or anything negative. It was wonderful. Lost in the feeling of something so amazing coming blasting into my life in such a powerful way. Reminding myself of the things I have to get done in the next few weeks at my job and how little stress I feel about them. Reflecting on the powerful nature of the last few weeks and how truly happy and fulfilled I am. In my true fashion, I had to message O and just express exactly how I feel. This is what I said:
“I’ve spent the bulk of the morning distracted, thinking about how amazing the last few days were. I know I’ve said it over and over and over, but I love what we have. The intensity of our connection, the comfort of our touch, the hotness of our intimacy, and the laughter and learning in all of our conversations. I love that we can be honest without judgement, support each other without having to be asked, and that we fall into each other and fit together so perfectly. Everything about us, the acceptance, love, and connection, well, it’s just RIGHT. Thank you for coming charging into my life, stealing my heart and turning my world upside down. I wouldn’t trade these last 2 weeks for the world. I love you.”
I really can’t put how I feel any more succinctly. I’m just completely happy.
Things with A are also perfect. The walls he had up that kept me at a distance are gone. There’s a connection between us that has just strengthened more and more in the last few months. It’s exactly what I suspected was there all along, but I love the feeling of reciprocation of my feelings for him. I love what we have and truthfully, I loved it before too. I would have continued the way we were, but now that I have that extra deep loving connection, I’m so secure in our relationship that it’s hard to imagine I ever questioned it.
Yesterday, we went out for drinks, were just chatting away at one of our favourite pubs, and a couple of his friends were there. One came over and said “Hi”, but was extremely awkward. He is one of the many that know about me, but I suspect he may be a little uncomfortable with our relationship structure. The other friend left, so A sent him a teasing text about walking past us, and he returned and had a couple drinks with us. It was the first time that our relationship overlapped with the rest of A’s life with any substance. It was completely normal. His friend didn’t treat me strangely, made an effort to engage me in conversation, and was generally very pleasant. Of course I said a few things that made his eyes bulge, but that’s kind of a thing I do with most people. It was so nice, just a further breaking down of the walls that were there before, figuratively speaking anyway.
A dropped me back off at work and as I kissed him goodbye and breathed him in, he said exactly what I was thinking. He said: “I love the way you smell, it’s such a comfort zone for me now.” I laughed, kissed him, told him I loved him and jumped out of his truck.
He’s going through more stress than anyone should ever face, let alone all at the same time. Yet his attitude is amazing. He is so strong. What all this means to me, is that I am in a place where I can be a comfort to him. Support him. Be (one) soft place to fall. I appreciate this role more than I can say, since he was that place for me this whole last year. That sometimes that comfort comes with the response to the way I smell when I kiss him? Perfect.