So, one of the people in my life who make it amazing is A. Since he’s been sharing a bed with me on a regular and predictable basis for nine months, he’s been a frequently feature on this page. He also is the reason I have to process a ton of emotion on occasion, not because he stresses me out, but because our relationship is unique and interesting and non-traditional, so I have to continuously process emotions that conflict with my upbringing and have to reconcile the difference between what I feel and what I know and what I want. And a little bit because he’s a pain in the ass. But having a man in my life who both challenges me to confront my emotions and supports me through them is a wonderful thing.
A is pretty committed to helping me live out many of my fantasies. At least he’s been up for anything I’ve suggested so far, as is evident from our move from vanilla to testing dom/sub dynamics to our transition into a dom/sub relationship. Months ago, I talked to A about having a threesome with my friend G. We were working carefully towards that as an end goal when my grandma died, A’s life became crazy stressful, and G had some bad poly experiences that led to her and her husband deciding to be monogamous. As a result, A and G never had their date, they never tested chemistry, and the threesome was put on the back burner. This was never really a big deal. A, despite his man-ness, says he has never had a big fantasy of having a threesome. Not that he’d turn down the opportunity, but it isn’t something that drives him. In fact, I find it interesting to talk to him about fantasies, because he says he doesn’t really have them. That he just enjoys sex and the opportunities presented to him. With me, he knows he can do whatever he wants, I don’t have many limits, and that’s enough for him. I find this yet another one of the interesting parts of the uniqueness that is A.
So, for months, a good friend of mine, who I will call “U”, and A have been flirting back and forth through me. Mostly jokes about sex and cleavage pics and the like. I told her early on that I thought she could have fun with A. At the beginning, she and her hubby were monogamous. Then they decided to test the waters with swinging. Extremely successful in that adventure, they decided to embrace polyamory. I had a great talk with her husband when they were first trying to decide if poly was the right thing for him. They recently broke up with the couple they were dating and U has been having a hard time with it. I talk to her daily, and somewhere in the conversation she said “I need sex. Can I borrow A?” Naturally, I said: “Of course you can, but instead, do you want to join us on Friday for our date?”
So, over the next week, she and I chatted a lot. A and I went out for beers on Wednesday and I jokingly said to U, “I’m going out with your boyfriend A, anything you’d like to ask him?” Not missing a beat, she sends me a picture of her in a thong on her stomach in bed and says: “No, but tell him I’m ready for my spanking!” He was on a business call at the time and the smile that got was amazing. I’ve made the picture I took his new contact picture on my phone because it’s so awesome. I passed on U’s info to A and they started chatting, flirting, and establishing rules for Friday night if a threesome was to occur.
We decided that our plan was to go out for dinner to chat and connect and drink a little, then to go back to U’s house and see if a threesome was in the cards. We had a great time at dinner, hilariously ran into 5 people from the poly/swinging community on our way out of the restaurant. I had this hilarious experience when we stopped at a drug store for condoms and had to ask this poor elderly lady where the condoms were in the store because I couldn’t find them and she said that they had shipped all the condoms to another store because they were renovating, and I just said “That’s a really bad business model for a drug store!”, and she pointed me to the clearance aisle to look at the few boxes they have left, and I loudly declared “None of these will work for me, there aren’t any large ones!” and walked out. So, we stopped at a second store where we were successful and off we went to U’s house.
We sat on the couch and chatted and drank while making sure her kids were asleep. I went to the bathroom and came back and U was straddling A and they were making out on the couch. I snuck into the bedroom, readied our bag of tricks and made sure the condoms were open and available on the side table. As I walked out, they realized I was in the room and we all headed to the bedroom. What proceeded is 3.5 hours of the hottest sex (with video and picture proof) of the hottest sex I’ve ever had and been witness to. As a side note, the video that A took was of U and I giving him head together. It’s fucking hot video. I’ve always known that my face betrays my emotions, I could never be a poker player, but damn if I didn’t look completely fucking hot when I looked at A (and therefore the camera) in the videos. I guess my face betrays how turned on I am too!
This was a series of firsts for A and I. Both of our first threesome. My first time doing anything other than kissing a girl. My first taste of pussy. My first time getting eaten out by a girl. My first time sharing my boyfriend with another woman in the same room. I think my favourite thing that was said was A saying “this is way hotter than porn depicts”. Seems that while the threesome wasn’t his particular fantasy, he enjoyed himself anyway. My other favourite thing was the fact that for only the second time since our first date 11 months ago, A was speechless. The only thing he could say was “that was fun.” Given that the man usually has some pretty competent word usage, I’d say that meant he had an overwhelmingly good time.
But, this blog isn’t about A and his experience, or U and hers, it’s about mine. My feelings, my perceptions, my experiences. I can’t say I’m done processing the amazing experience that this all was. I’m trying to think through how I felt going in, during, and after. The truth is, I feel damn good.
I’m an eternal, perpetual, and probably annoying to some, optimist. I don’t tend to worry much about things in advance of them happening. I have a faith that I can deal with the situations life deals me or more accurately, I put myself in. I know myself well and I very rarely make choices that I don’t know for certain I can handle with grace or at least physically intact. Some would probably say I’m very enthusiastic about things I’m passionate about, at least I hope my enthusiasm is obvious. In the last year, I’ve become really passionate about making decisions for myself, for what’s best for me. I’ve made myself a priority. This hasn’t been easy, but I could say that making the best decisions for myself has become my passion. As a result, I have many new passions, and one of these is authentically connecting with people. Another is hot sex. Connecting with people and having hot sex together is an exponential of my passion. (Get it? Passion squared? No? Guess my nerd is coming out too.)
So, going into Friday, it never really occurred to me that the threesome would be anything but amazing. The fact that it even exceeded my high expectations is incredible, but going in, I had no anticipation of failure. U had messaged me earlier in the day and said “If I don’t want sex, is that OK?”, and I naturally said “Of course, consent can be given or taken away at any time, you are not required to do anything.” I think A had more reservations about the threesome, but that’s his story, not mine (I’ve requested for him to write out his processing of the experience, but it might be three words long – “It was fun”). It became pretty clear to me during dinner that it would be a go and even then I wasn’t nervous and didn’t have any reservations. What I was concerned about was that while I’m an expert at using my anatomy for my full pleasure, I’m not experienced with using another woman’s anatomy for her pleasure. I was worried I wouldn’t be good at oral on a female or that I wouldn’t enjoy it. I don’t know how good I was, but I made her orgasm more than once, so I’m going to go with “adequate”. My worry about the quality came from my confidence that I know what I’m doing when dealing with man parts, but not at all with another woman’s parts. My concern about not enjoying it is simple – you never know if you are going to love something the first time you do it, and when someone else’s pleasure lies in the balance, insecurity is justified. Within minutes (seconds?), I knew that the latter wasn’t any concern. While I would still identify as heterosexual, my healthy curiousity and passion for hot sex makes me definitely interested in pursuing more sexual experiences with women, at least with women that want to have a cock join us in our sexual adventure. Especially since boobs are amazing!
There are a few other things worth mentioning, as far as I see things. The first is, I openly shared my boyfriend with another woman, so openly, that I offered him up freely and willingly. Of course, one can argue that our relationship is based on sharing, given that he’s married to another woman, but there’s a huge difference to knowing that your boyfriend is married and having sex with another woman and inviting another woman into your bed to fuck said boyfriend and watching it and participating. I didn’t anticipate any jealousy going in, because it’s an emotion I rarely have, but one never knows when jealousy will rear its ugly head. I once got jealous of him posting a picture on Facebook with his wife calling her beautiful and saying he loved her, of course, it lasted approximately 30 seconds, because it was dumb, but emotions like jealousy normally are, but that doesn’t mean they are fleeting. (I’m not saying jealousy is dumb, I’m saying that it’s a symptom of other issues that need to be worked through, and letting it drive your decisions is a bad idea, I’m just being flippant because talking about a hot threesome is way more interesting than talking about jealousy). I honestly didn’t think it was possible, but I’m even more attracted to A now that I’ve seen him fuck my friend than I was before. This is saying a lot, because I rarely stop thinking about how much I want A as it is. Both the sex and our connection are mind blowing, and this is probably another blog post all of its own, so I’ll leave it with saying that we have solidified our relationship in a way over the last few months that makes it extremely valuable to both of us, and this just improves our sexual and romantic connection. Watching him and joining him in having hot sex with my friend just made me feel closer to him. It was a shared, very hot, very intimate, very fun experience. It makes me want to see what other kind of cool sexual adventures we can have moving forward and makes me willing, if not eager, to share him in additional sexual exploits.
The other thing worth mentioning is that we picked the right unicorn (That’s why she’s “U”!!!) for our first threesome adventure. It seemed a natural thing for me, because U and I talk about sex all the time and had joked for ages about having a threesome or sharing A, so actually fucking wasn’t really that big of a step for me. That it was A that I chose to share also wasn’t chance, in nine months, he has never once failed to take care of me in bed. I knew he would easily be able to take care of two women. A mentioned on our way back to my place how incredibly cool it was that everything was so natural. There were no awkward moments, everyone was comfortable, everyone was included, everything just worked. It hadn’t actually occurred to me until he said that that it was actually more likely that there would be awkwardness or weird moments. Instead, there was laughter and dialogue and orgasms and tons of hotness. Going in, A and I discussed what we wanted from the experience, which is to say, I told A what I was hoping for. There were a few fantasies that I wanted to fulfill, but in my mind, you don’t go in as a couple to have a threesome with a girl without ensuring that she has a fantastic time. So we discussed that our priority going in was going to be U’s experience. I suspect that A had some concern that I wouldn’t get as much out of it as I do at our weekly dates, but I was pretty clear that I knew he would make up for it later. I think there are a few reasons we worked so well. The first is that we are all super sex positive people. The second is that I have a great connection with both A and U, so nothing was awkward for me (This is my realism, I would have been the one to make things awkward). The third is that we are all very confident individuals, so insecurity didn’t interfere. Either way, the whole experience exceeded my fantasies. Exceeded. That’s fucking amazing.
U enjoyed A’s performance so much that she invited him back for a one-on-one (not surprised, grandpa has mad skills). My own response to this is worth talking about. It was fear. Fear of losing A. I have zero issue with him having sex with her. I worried only that because his time is so limited already that I would lose time with him (when I would love to have more time with him) if they become a thing. In his cute little obtuse way, he said he didn’t think it would be a recurring thing, and I laughed at how silly he is that he thinks she doesn’t want him regularly. He did what the best boyfriends do. He reassured me. That what we have is extremely valuable to him and that no one can destroy what we are at the core of us. Had he been anyone else, I would have responded with a simple “I love you”, but our uncomplicatedly complicated relationship doesn’t involve those three words, at least not from him. I suspect that he enjoyed himself enough that he wants to have that one-on-one time with her too and I’m excited for them both. Time will tell if there are any consequences to me in there, but in the meantime, I’m going to trust that A will do as he always has – live up to his word.
The final thing worth mentioning is that U showed her hubby the videos from our tryst, and apparently I have quite the sexy blow job face. (I agree on this one, the videos are hot as fuck). When I woke up near noon on Saturday, my phone was alight with messages from her and from him, asking for a foursome in the future. I had a chat with A, and he is game. To quote: “The threesome was fun, why not add one more?” So, our adventures will continue. My passions will continue to be explored.
So those are my feelings about the night. But there’s more to it all. A year ago, I was in my first poly relationship with X. I was discovering a world of sexual freedom and intimacy I hadn’t known possible. I was beginning to understand and accept who I am and make decisions to honour myself. When I imagined myself in a polyamorous relationship, I anticipated a situation where I was still married to F, had a committed boyfriend, and F had a committed girlfriend. I fantasized about kitchen table polyamory and an extended poly family. I dreamed of more role models for my kids, meaningful connections with partners and metamours, and an extended polycule of support. Never, in a million years, would I have believed it if someone would have told me last year that this, what I have now, would be my happiness and fulfillment. I wouldn’t have believed I’d be separated and happy and sure about it. I never would have dreamed that I would be solopoly with three men in my life that bring so much diversity and happiness to it. It goes to show that sometimes your dreams are not what you really need in your life.
I would never have dreamed that A was the one who would bring so much value to my life. I would never have believed that this man, who has an ego that is earned, a sensitive heart that he tries to hide from the world, a generousity of spirit that most don’t understand or see, who can compartmentalize his life but still prioritize a girlfriend in the busyness of marriage, family, and running a business, but still has boundaries and limitations that he enforces unapologetically, would be exactly who I needed and wanted in my life. I never imagined a partner like him. I never imagined a situation where I was dating a guy whose wife didn’t really want a relationship with me or one who isn’t interested in knowing my kids or really knowing my friends. He’s in addition to my life in many ways, instead of a part of it.
We talked before going out with U on Friday that our relationship is different from any others that we know of. Or rather, he talked about it. I had said during the day that I was looking forward to seeing him fuck another woman, and he responded with “Really?!?!?” So, when we were having a glass of wine before we went out, I asked him why that surprised him, and he said “you have to understand how different our relationship is from other people’s”. I guess it’s true. One of the things that’s happened to me as I have prioritized myself and made the best decisions for my life, choosing to forego societal expectations of me in favour of my happiness, is that I have started to lose sight of the fact that most people don’t make decisions in the same manner I do. I needed to be reminded that in the monogamous world, women don’t regularly want to see their men fucking another woman. That I don’t see the world the way the majority do. That A and my relationship is something that we created out of our ideal, no one else’s.
That’s it. We’re happy. We’re living the lives we want, interweaving them only on our own terms. It’s good. It’s hot.