My life is fucking fantastic. Shall we talk about how? Yes, yes we should!
Well, F has moved out. Or at least there are dirty spots that need to be swept or vacuumed where large pieces of furniture used to be. It’s almost done. The relief and happiness I feel at this transition into independence is incredible. Yesterday, I picked up my kids to take them for dinner, and my eldest two expressed that they were having a hard time with all the changes, as the previous night was their first night in their dad’s new place. Luckily, my parents live close, and were able to come meet us for supper, and helped me give the kids the love and attention they needed to just feel a little more secure in their little lives. When I dropped the kids off with F, he and I had a good chat about how to help the kids with the transition and came up with a plan to work together. We talked with our eldest about how we are friends now and we are going to always be on her team and want to help her as much as possible. I talked to my second eldest and just hugged her and sung the “I’ll love you forever” song, and she said “Does this mean you’ll always be mommy?”, and I said “Yes sweetheart, I’ll always be your mommy and I’ll always be here for you.” I have no illusion that F and I won’t fight in the future, but last night was a great example of what positive separation and coparenting looks like.
My job is great. I am getting constant positive feedback from the people I work with and the people I work for. More importantly, I love everything about it. I enjoy the intellectual stimulation, the challenges, the people I work with, the learning I do, and the flexibility in my schedule.
Things with A are great. More on that in another post, because I have a lot to say there, and he’s pressuring me for an insight into my thoughts on recent events, and it’s fun to make him wait. Things with L are good. I don’t see him as much as I would like. I’ve been busy and he’s started dating another girl, so his time is more limited. He has evening activities often and I’m busy during the day. He’s been pushed back in the pecking order of my men a bit, but when we are together it’s amazing. He’s supportive and fun and loving. What we have is great, and I’m going to choose to be happy with that. I’ve been dating another guy. This gorgeous, sweet, kind, and fucking sexy man, who I guess will get the letter M. I met M months ago at a polyamory pub night. He and his girlfriend and her husband gave my drunken ass a ride home that night. I remember him walking into the pub and thinking “Damn, he’s really fucking hot. I bet he’s an asshole.” Sure enough, I was completely wrong. Talk about an exercise in checking my biases and assumptions. He’s so nice. He’s going through a divorce, has two kids that are the same ages as two of mine, and he’s amazing in every way. Everything about being with him is simple and easy. When we began talking, it was because he sent out this “You are Awesome” video to nearly everyone on his friends list on Facebook. I wrote back that I thought he was awesome too, and asked if he had sent that message out to everyone, and he said yes and that his phone was blowing up. I commented that it must usually be like that, and he said “No, it’s usually pretty quiet”. I said that surprised me because he’s so hot and charismatic and kind that I thought the women would be throwing themselves naked at his feet. He destroyed my assumptions by saying that had never happened, and said he thought I was hot too. I just said “Really? We should talk about that some time?” He responded with “Nice advance lady!”, and we kept on talking. That was over a month ago, and it’s going great. He’s fun and kind and makes me laugh and turns me on and rocks my world and I’m happy with how simple and easy it’s been.
Everything is great. I’ve never been this happy. Ever. Which brings me to an interesting conversation with a coffee date I had a few weeks ago. He said: “I’ve given up on happily ever after.”, and this got me to thinking. I don’t think there is a happily ever after. That’s the stuff of lies and fairy tales. What there is, or at least has the potential to be is Happy right now. This is my new commitment to myself, working for the end goal of being happy right now. It’s just all part of making the choices to be true to myself and live the life I choose.